Conquerer of Time
01 November 2008 @ 05:10 pm
 
I saw an ad. today that both amused and utterly disgusted me, so, naturally, I just *had* to share it.

First, we're asked if we're tired of dry, calloused feet. The woman sitting on the bed demonstrating this particular emotion looks reasonably annoyed, clutching at her foot in horror. Next, we're asked if we're embarrassed by how our feet look...THIS time, however, in the background there is a woman sitting on a bed looking like she is SCREAMING at the camera and having an absolute fit, turning away as if to say, 'Don't look at me! DON'T LOOK AT ME!' The camera, dutifully, goes to black.

Now, I don't know about you, but that seems a little over the top. They are, after all, just feet. They're not great looking, they will get smelly sometimes, and yes, they will get dry. Screaming and throwing a tantrum like a two year old that you just stole a lollipop off seems almost, just almost, a bit of an over-reaction should somewhere dare to come near your disgusting, probably mutated and evolving into a separate life-form feet.

Then, the product is presented. Glowing. Almost angelic. The tag-line? "The ultimate way to smooth beautiful feet!" No, that's stupid. I don't want to smooth beautiful feet. I want to smooth my semi-mutated dinosaur dinosaur feet so that they *become* beautiful. It's like selling anti-ageing products to a foetus.

But wait, there's more!

This thing? Looks like a fucking *grater*. It has 'over 100 stainless steel microfiles' and look like it could slice your feet to *shreds*. The woman using it seems pretty happy, however. This is not the same woman that had a fit, mind you - I'm guessing she probably had to be sedated following her scene.

My absolute *favourite* part of the entire ad. follows there, when they proudly tell you that the Ped Egg (which is what it's called) can hold all your filings! All the scaly bits you scraped off your feet can be kept safe in their own little container, awaiting future use as sugar replacement for when the in-laws visit. You really have to see all the scale filings in the container to truly understand just how vomit-inducing this part is.

This handy function means you can "use it anywhere". Yes, anywhere! Walking down the street and feeling a little chafing in your socks? Just pull out your Ped Egg and scrape away! Feeling itchy during a movie? Out comes the handy Ped Egg! What about at dinner? Not only could you ensure that your feet are silky smooth for your date (because no way would you have done this, you know, *at home*), you could even use the filings as a garnish afterwards.

They then demonstrate just how soft it is by grating an orange with it. Um. Okay.

It's great for 'mums, dads, daughters and grandmothers' (sons and grandfathers aren't allowed, apparently. Some legal thing). 'In fact, it's great for the whole family!' They then show a split-screen view of the aforementioned scraping happily away at their feet. Not just any foot scraper can bring the family together like this one does! There's nothing quite like sitting around the Christmas tree, opening presents and scraping off your old, dead foot skin to bring a family together.

I also love what it says on the website: "Gently removes callous, dry skin". Because I hate it when my skins gets callous and stops caring about me. Insensitive jerk.
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
12 August 2008 @ 08:28 pm
 
Another one...my store is on the ground floor of a hospital next to the pharmacy.

Man: What time does the pharmacy next door open?
Me *checks time*: Actually, it's one o'clock, so they've just closed.
Man: Do you think they'll open again today?
Me: *stares*
Man: If I ask them?
Me: Um...I don't think so. They'll already be cashing up for the day, so none of the systems will be on.
Man: *glares at me like this is the Wrong Answer*
Me *tired from yet another opening shift gives up on making sense*: Well, you could always ask them, you never know. Sorry!

Also? Coffee shop? =/= hospital reception. Asking me questions like:

- When are the visting hours?
- What floor is the maternity ward on?
- Where is the imaging section?

will only result in me telling you to go to reception which is DIRECTLY OPPOSITE US.

Man: *runs up to us, looking extremely flustered* Do you speak German?
Me: ...no.
Man: Okay, well, I need help!
Co-worker: What's the problem?
Man: There's a car outside!
CW: ...okay.
Man: And the doors are closed and there's a young girl inside! By herself!
CW: Okay, well, I'm not sure what we can do for you, but if you head across to the reception desk...
Man: What do you mean? I need help! Why won't you help?
CW: I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not a nurse. If you head across to reception...
Man: But isn't this a HOSPITAL?
CW: *points to sign above the store* What does that sign say? It says, 'Hudsons Coffee'! We can't help you! Go to reception!
Man: *glares, then leaves grumbling to himself about God knows what*

My co-worker heads over to reception himself, speaks to the woman there, and she arranges for a security guy to head out and see what was going on.

The story?

Car had broken down. Parents were outside looking to see what was wrong with it and calling for help. Young girl was inside car as it was a cold winter's night and it would be warmer in there.
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
05 August 2008 @ 09:10 pm
 
Minor but irritating suck...it was around midday, and I'd been up since 4:00AM in order to open the store at 6:00AM.

I work in a chain coffee store, similar to SBux and Gloria Jean's. We have a big food cabinet full of (labelled) lunch foods (wraps, toasties, baguettes, that kind of thing), plus lots of boxed sandwiches down the front next to the bottled drinks that you are free to peruse and reach for yourself.

Me: Tired from barista-ing and supervising all morning.
Wo: Reasonably friendly but...oy...

Me: Hi! How can I help you?
Wo: I'd like a white coffee and a chocolate.
Me: *opens mouth to try and clarify this order a bit*
Wo: I'd also like some hot food, do you have any hot food?
Me: Certainly. We have a variety of pies and sausage rolls, and in our food cabinet here *gestures to the two rows of heavily laden plates* we have sandwiches and baguettes, all of which can be toasted if you'd like.
Wo: You have pies?
Me: Yes.
Wo: ...let me check.
*goes to talk to companion, then returns*
Wo: Okay, he wants a sandwich. Do you have any sandwiches?
Me: *can already see where this is going* Yes, we have a variety of rolls in our food cabinet here. Also, down the front and to your right we have boxed sandwiches.
Wo: Okay, I'll have two of the boxes.
Me: No problem! *opens mouth to start spiel about how she can just reach in and get them, and would she like anything else...*
Wo: What's in the sandwiches?
Me: *catches sight of the long line and sighs* I'll just check what we have left.

Anyway, she finally got her two sandwiches. Then came the drinks.

Me: I'm sorry, I've forgotten which drinks you were after. What would you like?
Wo: A chocolate...
Me: A hot chocolate?
Wo: ...and a white coffee.
Me: *sighs again* What kind of white coffee were you after? Flat white? Cappuccino? Latte? *gestures to sign with helpful descriptions of drinks*
Wo: Just a flat white, I think...how is a latte different?
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
28 July 2008 @ 10:42 pm
 
"It would be huge compared to us."
"What would?"
"It would be huge."
"What would be huge?"
"The blimp."
"The blimp?"
"The blimp that's coming to attack us."
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
23 April 2008 @ 09:29 pm
 
I should probably stop watching James Bond and actually do some work.

...

Or not.
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
10 April 2008 @ 08:38 pm
 
Boything: I can't find my sneakers!
Me: You have an entire rack of shoes hanging right there. Just pick some, let's go!
Boything: *pout* But I don't want to wear any of those!
Me: Now you know what it's like to get ready when you're a girl. 'I don't want to wear those pants, or that shirt, or that jacket...I can't find what I want! I have nothing to wear!'
Boything: Now I just have to start saying, 'I'm so fat, I'm so bloated today, and I have both my periods!'
Me: Both?
Boything: 'This month's and next month's! Waaah!'

Is his perception of women my fault?
 
 
I'm feeling: relievedrelieved
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
31 March 2008 @ 10:35 pm
 
*sobs*

Everything's too hard! =(

Being full-time uni is...really complicated. How do you study one thing without going, 'Argh! Those three other subjects I have to do!' How do you sleep? How do you not end up rocking backwards and forwards in the corner of a darkened room mumbling nonsensical sentences and eating your shoes?

I'm also planning on changing my major, maybe...which is depressing me, because I always thought I wanted to do genetics, but so far all that's really thrilled me was the bacterial stuff. So now I'm thinking, 'Ooh...what about immunology? I like diseases!'

I should be listening to a lecture right now but it took me two and a half hours to listen to the last one (it was an hour long lecture) and I just don't have the energy right now. So I have the choice of:

A. Revising first year Russian grammar and vocab.
B. Revising IB Chemistry.
C. Finishing the Witches reading.
D. Revising earlier genetics stuff.

Ohh, the agony of choice...

The job hunt continues. Apparently nobody wants to employ me, while my manager is giving me more shifts. STOP IT, I DON'T WANT THEM.
 
 
I'm feeling: moodymoody
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
17 March 2008 @ 08:00 pm
 
Why is it when one part of your life goes well, the other parts come crashing horribly down? Is it karma? Is that what it is? Murphy's Law? Murphy's Karmic Law?

Work and uni are both spectacuarly awful at the moment, which is nothing really new. Uni has never really suited me at all and now that I'm full time the tears fall at least once a day.

Why am I doing this again?

But things with the Boy are going really well.

Is it holidays yet?

Quote of the Week: "When a group of people turn up to a garage sale at 3PM and buy playdough, you do get an indication about what kind of people they are."
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
11 March 2008 @ 07:28 pm
 
I'm officially exhausted. I can't wait for semester to be over!

Witches lecture was interesting today, though:

Lecturer: So what else can we tell from this picture?
Person: It's outside.
Person 2: Well, it's a little hard to have lots of flying goats inside. Unless you had a big window they could all zoom through.


In other news...I can't wait for semester to be over!
Tags:
 
 
I'm feeling: tiredtired
 
 
 
Conquerer of Time
03 March 2008 @ 04:08 pm
 
So, I'm still waiting for my subjects to get approved. They keep telling me I changed them lsat Thursday when I actually changed them a week before that. Last Thursday I changed something else and apparently this shouldn't have affected my subjects but it did and...

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

So I'm turning up anyway. Take that!